i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
