We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
