no, he came in my armpit
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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