Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm passing your future prison.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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