I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i think i have two assholes
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
