Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We had sex on a dog bed..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
