found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
