Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
