So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you had me at cake vodka
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
