Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
