So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
