Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize