Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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