U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
