Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
