I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
