I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
