I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
