im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
