Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
