So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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