thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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