my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
