I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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