I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
