i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
