is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
