I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
