Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
