Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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