Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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