Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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