no, he came in my armpit
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
