so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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