Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
