maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
