so that wasnt chicken after all
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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