shes about as inviting as chlamydia
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
