Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize