Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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