the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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