I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
