I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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