Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
