Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
