why didn't you poke me back
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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