capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
