Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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