Say something about gay babies.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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