During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
