In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
