i already hear my dad disowning me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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