Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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