Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
