I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
