His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize