I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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