Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
