Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
