sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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