It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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