I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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