So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
