We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
