what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
