How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize
