guys are not supposed to queef...right?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
