We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
