I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize