sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Sober January is a disaster.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
