Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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