Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
