Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i believe in u and ur pee
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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