There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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