if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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