Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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