32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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