if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He better not be in your backpack
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
