hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize