she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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