I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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