Who did Billy Mays play for?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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