dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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