i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
