So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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