you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
