pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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