dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
