I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
