he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
