hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
