I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
