Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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