sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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