Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
