And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
