I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
