you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
