I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize